Vivaaham - from the perspective of Sanaatana Dharma

Introduction

Indian traditions always have a proper significance – both scientifically and symbolically. These are termed as Samskaaras which help in – making one perfect, refining, polishing, and purifying in all aspects. We have around 40 such Samskaaras right from our birth to death. Of these, Vivaaham – meaning Marriage, is the turning point in every one’s life. It is from this point that, a person stops traveling alone and starts his/her journey accompanied by his life partner.

Vah – to carry, convey, transport; Vaha – Carrying, supporting

Vaaha – Carriage, Conveyance; Vahat – Traveller

Vahati – Friend, Advisor; Vi – (Prefix for) Distinguished

So, Vivaaham is where one gets an Advisor/Partner to travel along for the rest of their life.

Our Sages have prescribed the proper methods to perform the rituals during the Marriage ceremony. There are about 25 rituals having different significances for the enhancement of the life of the newlywed couple – Dampati.

वाग्दानं च प्रदानं च वरणं पाणिपीडनम् |

सप्तपदीति पंचांगो विवाह: परिकीर्तित: ||

Of the 25 – 5 are most important – Vaagdaanam, Pradaanam, Varanam, Paanipiidanam and Saptapadii. The following is a gist of each of the 25 rituals.

1. वरप्रेषणम्, कन्या वरणम् – Varapreshanam, Kanya Varanam

The Brahmachaari, after completing his studies, starts earning and becomes ready to take up the Gruhasthaashrama life. He starts to seek a girl based on his qualities, wealth, age, clan (Kulam), health and lifestyle. He sends his parents and elders from his family to the Girl’s home to ask for the Girl. This process is called Vara Preshanam. Kanya Varanam is selecting a girl. This, although, spans over a few days to months, is now done before the Kanya Daanam as just a ritual.

2. वाग्दानम् – Vaangnichchayam

There are 5 stages in Vaagdaanam, which literally means giving the word –

1. Brahmachaari sends his parents and elders to the Kanyaa’s place to get all the information about the Kanyaa and thus, proposing for the Vivaaham.
2. The Kanyaa’s family welcome the guests and provide the information about the Girl – her Horoscope, studies, conduct, other activities, etc.
3. Both the family members come to a conclusion about the Vivaaham considering the cosmic influence in their life, and other matches. This is called Nichchayathaartham.
4. On the previous day of the Vivaaham, both the families exchange Taambuulam. This is also a part of the Nichchayathaartham.
5. The Brahmachaari gets ready in Paradesha Kolam to go out of his place to spend his life in learning and become a saint. The Kanyaa’s father asks the Brahmachaari to take up Gruhasthaashrama by accepting to provide his daughter for Vivaaham.

In all these five stages, it is through Vaak – Words that the Vivaaham is ascertained.

3. ब्रह्मचर्य व्रत पूर्ति – Brahmacharya Vrata Puurti, followed by Kaashi Yaatra

The Kanyaa’s father and the Brahmachaari are required to do certain Vrataas at their home/mandapam. Right from the Kanyaa’s birth until her Marriage, the father has rituals to be done like – Jaatakarma, Naamakaranam, etc. If these were not done, or done with some delay, they are to be done at this time along with Rtumati Prayashchittam. This is done on the day of the Vivaaham, very early in the morning. Only after this, the Kanyaa becomes a Vadhuu – Bride.

Similarly, the Brahmachaari has certain everyday rites like Samidhadaanam, Kaanda Vratam, etc. He is required to perform certain rites like Kaanda Rshi Tarpanam, Prajapatyam. Soumyam, Aagneyam, Vaishvadevem during his Vratam by keeping his Father or Guru as his Acharya.

Pancha Paalika utsavam, also referred as Vana Mahotsavam has the significance of protecting flora and the Dhaanyams that arise out of the flora. The 9 Dhaanyas are mixed and filled in 5 Paalikas – small pot like structures. Five Sumangaliis sprinkle a mixture of water and milk on these. And these are thrown (with the intention of prosperity for the plants, trees from where these Dhaanyams originate) into some water body, since these should not dry, nor get touched by our feet.

Januvaasam – On the previous day, the Brahmachaari goes to the Kanyaa’s place with his dress until his knees. Jaanu – Knee. Vaasam – Vastram for being welcomed by the Kanyaa’s family. This is followed by the exchange of Lagna Patrika – which contains details about the Vivaaham like Muhurtam, etc.

Paradesha Kolam, Kaashi Yatra - Properly getting ready for traveling out of his town, the boy removes all his hair from his body, wears dress below the knee for the first time, wears a dress on his upper body, wears the second Punuul. And with an umbrella, bamboo stick, slippers, hand-fan he starts his journey to Kaashi. Kaashi is the place of knowledge and hence he progresses to learn more about the Vidya Sthaanams. The Kanyaa’s father asks the Brahmachaari to take up Gruhasthaashrama and offers his daughter.

Exchange of Garlands is done for the union of both the family members. This act helps in developing good bondage between the two families.

Varapreshanam is also done on the day of marriage after Raksha bandhanam with Mantraas. This is followed by Kanyaa Dana Sankalpam, where the Vadhuu’s father proclaims that the previous 10 generations, the current generation, the next 10 generations – 21 in total, his manes and other people attain Brahmalokam through this act of Kanyaa Daanam.

4. वर पूजा, कन्या दानम् – Vara Pooja, Kanyaa Daanam

After the Kanyaa Daana Sankalpam, the bride’s father welcomes the groom and washes his feet doing Paadaprakshaalanam. Pravaram is where the Paramparaa of both the families is said three times.

During the Kanyaa Daanam and Maangalyadhaaranam, the bride is supposed to be seated on paddy. But now, this practice has changed and the bride is now seated on her father’s lap. The groom should be west faced and the bride’s father faces north. And the bride’s father places the girls’ hands over the boy’s hands saying: “By this Kanyaa Daanam, let my manes, get good fortune and moksham, and let me also get moksham.” The groom says: “With the permission of all devataas like Surya, I take up this girl’s responsibilities”. This is called Varanam – the 3^rd important ritual, accepting the Kanyaa daanam.

5. अग्नि प्रतिष्ठापनम्, Agni Pratishtaapanam

In all rituals, the first job is to get the Anugnya of people in the Sabha and do the Sankalpam. Then with Agni as Saakshi/witness, the rituals are done. So, placing the Agni in the Homa Kundam is called Agni Pratishtaapanam. This is followed by Aupaasanam done by the groom. This is similar to Samidhaadaanam done during the Brahmacharya stage of life.

6. मधुपर्क दानम्, Madhuparka Daanam

The groom is provided with Sweets (Madhu) like honey, fruits, curd, etc. Also, cattles are provided to the groom by the bride’s family.

7. देवता प्रार्थना, Devataa Praarthana

After Madhuparka Daanam, the boy is allowed to look at the girl for the first time. He then prays to all the Devataas:

O Varuna! Let her be Good to my siblings

O Bruhaspati! Let her be Good to me

O Indra! Let her be Good to my children

O Surya! Let her get all Aishwaryams

8. विवाह सन्कल्पम्, Vivaaha Sankalpam

During the Vivaaha Sankalpam, the groom claims that he is about to marry the bride. Along with that he prays to the Devataas that any bad qualities, if the girl possesses be removed, and then he brushes her eyebrow with the Darbha saying: I remove all your Amangalaas.

9. कन्या संस्कारम्, Kanyaa Samskaaram, Mangala Snaanam

Once the Vivaaha Sankalpam is done, the Groom does the Mangala Snaanam for the bride with Mantraas, as a part of Kanyaa Samskaaram. A minimum of 4 Brahmins, or any even number from 4, should bring water for the Mangala Snaanam. The bride is surrounded by her Mothers in law, brothers in law. A Darbha is kept on her head facing North-South direction. Over the Darbha, any ornament is kept. Sometimes the Thirmaangalyam is also kept instead of any ornament. And then the Brahmins pour water on the bride. The Mantraas recited during the Mangala Snaanam is from the Pavamaana Suktham used especially for Punyaahavaachanam - to make anything pure.

10. अलंकारम्, Alankaaram

The bride is required to be well dressed after her Mangalasnaanam. The groom’s family buy a Koorappudavai, a special saree for the following rituals along with Thirmaangalyam. This need not be made of silk; it can also be of Cotton. The bride receives the Koorappudavai from the groom and wears it for the subsequent rituals.

11. मांगल्यधारणम्, Mangalyadhaaranam

The groom says “With this auspicious thread, let you live happily for 100 years.”

The Vivaaham does not stop after Mangalyadhaaranam. It is not advisory to wish/shake hands with the bride and the groom after Maangalya dhaaranam.

Followed by Maangalya Dhaaranam, Metti is worn by the bride. Then the bride’s waist is tied with Darbha by the groom. This is done to make sure the bride follows her husband for the remaining rituals.

12. अग्निमुखान्तम्, Agnimukhaantam

The Groom is seated in front of the Agni, towards the northern end, facing east and the bride is seated on his right. He then performs rites from Aupaasanam to Aajyapaakam. Then he says: “Initially Soma took care of you when you were a kid, then Gandharva took care of you, when you were young. And then in your youth, Agni took care of you. And now, all the three Devataas would bless me to take care of you for the rest of your life.”

13. पाणिग्रहणम्, Paanigrahanam or Paanipiidanam

Paani means Hand; Grahanam means Grasping/Holding. Holding the hands of the bride is the ritual. It is also called Hastabandhanam, from which the word Husband might have originated!! The Groom says:

“Let you become the Head of my home. Devataas like Bhagan, Aryamaa, Savitaa, Indra have given you to me. I hold your hands until our last breath.”

14. सप्तपदी, Saptapadii

The Groom holds the Bride’s right foot, and places seven steps with the foot. The seven steps indicate seven significances. He says:

1. Let Shrii MahaVishnu provide Annam, with your first step.
2. With your second, let Him provide you good health and flexibility.
3. With your third, let Him make you do proper Vratams.
4. With your fourth, let Him provide leisure and happiness.
5. With your fifth, let Him provide good cattle.
6. With your sixth, let Him provide seasons at appropriate time.
7. With your seventh, let Him provide good fortune and life for those involved in Soma Yajnaas.

Then he says:

“Let you become my friend, we are friends, I will not leave from this friendship. Let you not leave. Let us live together. Let us share whatever we get in our life – happiness, sorrow, good fortune, wealth, health, etc.”

After this Saptapadii, the bride and the groom will be termed as Gruhinii and Gruhastha, respectively and they become a Dampatii. The bride gets changed from her Gothram to her husband’s Gothram.

15. अग्निप्रदक्षिणम्. परिणयम् – Agni Pradakshinam, Parinayam

The Dampatii, after SaptaPadii, go around Agni doing a Pradakshinam. Then they sit in front of Agni, and do the Pradhaana Homam. 16 Aahutiis are poured in Agni in the form of Ghee. The Groom pleads to the Devataas like Soma, Gandharvaa, Agni, Indra, Varuna, Brhaspati, Ashvini Devataas, Aakasha, Vayu, Surya, Vishvadevaas, etc that his Wife be prosperous and protected from all sorts of evil.

16. अश्मारोहणम्, लाजहोमम् - Ashmaarohanam, Laajahomam

This is the ritual where the bride steps on Ammi. The Husband takes his Wife’s right toe with his right hand and places over the Ammi signifying that the Bride be strong like the Ammi stone and oppose her enemies with the strength like that of the stone. Laajahomam is where the Dampatii pour puffed rice with ghee over the Agni. The Husband holds his wife’s hands and goes around the Agni doing a Pradakshinam. This whole ritual is repeated two more times.

17. जयादि होमम्, आशीर्वादम् – Jayaadi Homam, Aashiirvadam

Jayaadi homam is done for the welfare of all the people and things, after most of the rituals. 13 Mantraas that Brhaspati gave as Upadesham to Indra before going to War, 18 Devataas mantras, 12 Raashtrabhrth Mantraas – union of Kshatriya and Braahmana Dharma Mantraas and hence 43 Aahutiis are poured. Along with that, 5 Aahutiis from Prajaapati homam, Vyahruti Homam, Svishtikrt Homam, and thus 48 Aahutiis, in total are poured during Jayaadi Homam.

18. प्रवेश होमम्, ध्रुव, अरुन्धती दर्शनम् – Pravesha Homam, Dhruva, Arundhatii Darshanam

The Dampatii do the Gruha Pravesha Homam at the Husband’s place. The wife enters the home with her right leg saying a few Mantraas. The Agni is to be kept in the North East direction of the house and 13 Mantraas are recited for 13 Aahutiis and finally says “Let Cattles, Good Children, and Good fortune be obtained here”. Then Gandharva Puja is done where oblations are placed for a Gandharvaa named – Viswaavasu, who protects Kanyaas.

After Pravesha Homam, it is required that the Dampatii do not speak with anyone until that night. Then, the Mounam/Silence is broken after viewing Dhruva and Arundhatii Nakshatram in the night.

19. आग्नेय स्थालीपाकम् – Aagneya Sthaaliipaakam

Sthaalii is a vessel that possesses food. Paakam is cooked food. Sthaaliipaakam is the act of cooking the food called Charu on the Aupaasana Agni.

20. औपासनम् - Aupaasanam

After Vivaaham, the next 1 year is called as Samvathsara Deeksha, i.e, the next one year is to be spent like a Brahmachaari, doing regular Aupaasanam. Only then Shanti Kalyaanam is to be done. But nowadays, it is shortened and only 4 days of such Deeksha is followed. Aupaasanam is that which is related to Upaasanam. In the morning Surya is prayed, and in the evening Agni is prayed and this is done with Rice.

21. शेष होमम् – Shesha Homam

Right from the day of marriage, the Dampatii should perform Aupaasanam at least 7 times both in the morning and evening. During the Gandharva puja for Viswaavasu done earlier, a wooden stick is used for the Aavaahanam. That stick is to be kept between the husband and wife while sleeping for the next 3 days. On the fourth day, this practise is stopped by performing Shesha Homam. Only then the Husband can start his proper Gruhasthaashrama life.

22. नान्दी श्राद्धम् – Naandii Shraddham

It is also called Abhyudaya Shraaddham. In order to pray for welfare of the Pitr Devataas, who had come here to wish the Dampatii a prosperous married life, this Shraddham is done. The parents of the Dampatii do Naandi during the Vratam. After Shesha Homam, the Dampatii is required to do, although the husband’s father is also involved now.

23. फलदानम्, 24. ताम्बूल शर्वणम्, 25. आशीर्वादम्

All the people are given fruits, tambulam, and their Aasheervadam is sought by the Dampatii. The Dampatii hold the Tambuulam and get the blessings of others. During the Aasheervadam, all the elders bless the Dampatii for a prosperous and happy life.